There’s no wedding like a Chaldean wedding
By Sarah Kittle
Photos by Evan Yaqoo/YHY Film & Photography
Chaldean weddings are the stuff of legends in metro Detroit. They are “extra,” over-the-top, and everyone wants an invitation. From the Khigga dance lines to the Zaffa playing, Chaldeans know how to party. And don’t even get me started on the food!
What many don’t know is those wedding traditions and more traveled here from Iraq with marriages that bridged countries, families, and even communities in a way that is difficult to understand without having experienced it. The first Chaldeans to marry in Detroit invited the whole community to the nuptials. The entire community was family.
The whole town took part in Chaldean weddings in Iraq. Dowry was a big part of the preparations and the clothes and finery offered to the bride were a source of pride and were often displayed on donkeys and paraded through town. When the groom came to the bride’s home, her brothers and male cousins would block the door until an agreeable bride price was paid.
While paying dowry or a “bride price” did not survive the migration to the United States, many other parts of a Chaldean wedding did make the crossing, such as the wearing of a white bow (Kalilla) on the groom’s arm to signify that the wedding ceremony is a blessed sacrament. Babies wear a similar bow when being baptized, another Catholic sacrament.
Some parts of a Chaldean wedding in America were born here, like the crowning during the wedding Mass. The bride and groom are temporarily crowned to signify that much like Christ is the head of the Church, the groom is king in his family and the bride is the queen. The couple, in union with Christ, have formed their own kingdom.
Unlike in Iraq, Chaldean weddings in America are full Masses, a Latin tradition adopted by the Diocese here. Unity candles are not unique to the culture, but kneeling as a couple during the marriage ceremony to pray in front of the Virgin Mary might be.
In the early 20th century such as the 1930s and 1940s, marriage vows in Iraq were exchanged between the bride’s father and the groom’s father. Chaldean marriages were arranged until the 1970s and 1980s, and the engaged couple may not have ever even met before they wed.
Sometimes, the age discrepancy was such that a child bride (ripe for childbearing) would wed a grown man (who was already established and able to provide for his family). Other times, two kids ended up as man and wife. I heard a story about a couple of teens who were wed in Iraq and spent the first week of wedded bliss playing card games at night. They didn’t know what else to do!
Precisely for that reason, Iraqi tradition supported an “Ustath,” or instructor to assist the couple on their wedding night. Additionally, in Chaldean tradition, the best man was required to already be married so he could offer advice and instruction to the groom. After all, the main purpose of the union was to produce offspring.
Weddings in Iraq would last for days, sometimes even weeks. In towns like Tel Keppe, they celebrated from early morning until night with food, dancing, and singing in the streets. Chaldean weddings in the U.S. in the 1960s and 1970s would last all day as well, although by that point, things had changed in Iraq.
In previous decades, the whole Iraqi town would turn out to celebrate a wedding; on the wedding day, on route to the church, the groom, his wedding party and relatives would travel to the bride’s home on foot in a big procession. Men would head the line with Zorna and Tabol (drums and pipes/horns) and the women would follow with the vocal halhole (a very recognizable sound made with the tongue that goes back to Sumerian tradition). Everyone in town participated in the Begana, where they would take food from the bride’s house to the groom’s home.
This tradition of meeting the groom and going en masse to the bride’s home to pick her up is still followed by today’s modern Chaldean Americans; however, the ride is now a limo rather than a donkey. Although I’m sure it is much more comfortable, it is not quite the display that the bride and her dowry would have been in the old country.
Like historic nuptials in Iraq, in the U.S., the fathers remain the financiers and the mothers and female relatives do much of the planning.
The Chaldean wedding reception in the U.S. goes until the wee hours of the morning, and sometimes dinner isn’t served until 10 p.m. or later. Chaldean wedding receptions are no place to rest or try to find a quiet corner; they are filled with energy from the intro to the end. The wedding party enters the reception hall dancing, and the dance continues all night long. Music is an integral part of Chaldean weddings, creating a festive and joyful atmosphere.
Laith Amanoel was recently married and shared some of his insight and experience with the Chaldean News. When asked about the roles that family takes on in a Chaldean wedding, Laith said, “The elders play a significant role by advising and counseling the family. Their reputation and social status are important, and we are a close-knit community.
“The reputation of the families goes a long way in establishing relationships,” Laith continued. “You are not just marrying one person; it is also about the union of two families coming together. Elders often take part in the matchmaking process, ensuring that both families are compatible and share similar values and traditions. They also provide guidance on the various rituals and customs that need to be followed, ensuring that the wedding adheres to traditional practices.”
On the “traditional” note, Laith said, “Times have changed, but we still play traditional folk music from Iraq, particularly from Mosul and the villages. We also perform group dances such as the Khugga (also called Khigga), a traditional circle dance that symbolizes unity and community.”
Laith and his beloved, Merna Korkee, also had Zorna and drums, as well as Zaffa at the groom’s and bride’s houses. As he explained, “The Zaffa is a lively procession that includes music, dancing, and singing, celebrating the bride and groom as they prepare for their new life together. This procession often involves family members and friends, enhancing the communal spirit of the wedding.”
Pre-marriage counseling is a requisite for those seeking a Chaldean wedding. Rather than a burden, Laith found the mandatory counseling useful. “The pre-marriage prep was actually very helpful,” Laith stated. “It gave us a lot of advice and insight into being married. We did ours with ECRC (Eastern Catholic Re-Evangelization Center) and St. Joseph (Church). The church hosted classes for us, and we received advice from actual couples who have been married for a while. I would say it prepared us well for going into marriage.”
One of the biggest impacts is the cost of weddings. They can cost anywhere from thousands of dollars to tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands! In the old days, weddings were much simpler and less extravagant. Modern Chaldean weddings, however, can be quite elaborate, with significant attention to detail.
“This includes flowers, bands, and venues that reflect the couple’s taste and the family’s social status,” explained Laith. “Despite the rising costs, many families still adhere to traditional practices, such as the engagement party and henna, which involve additional expenses.”
The preparations for a Chaldean wedding often start months in advance, involving multiple ceremonies and gatherings that celebrate the couple’s engagement and upcoming marriage.
A Chaldean wedding truly is a family affair.