5,000-Calorie Weddings

Mike Sarafa

By Mike Sarafa

On the occasion of the Chaldean News’ annual wedding issue, I thought I’d take a stab at addressing what many people agree on but don’t do anything about— the considerable food waste at weddings.

The tradition, at least for weddings at Shenandoah Country Club, has devolved into essentially three full meals in four hours. Typically, the receptions begin with a rather substantial pre-function cocktail hour featuring heavy hot and cold food, often hundreds of pounds of fresh seafood, wine and champagne and even a full bar.

If one happens to arrive a little later, say around 8:00pm, you will witness the spectacle of the Shenandoah staff carting off mounds of untouched food (not the shrimp and crab legs, those usually get eaten up).

Once entering the hall, you’re greeted by either super-sized piles of hummus and tabbouleh or a plated full dinner-size salad. At some point, after the Zeffa and a whole bunch of other entirely predictable songs, the soup will come out. This is usually either a very hearty cream-based soup, mushroom, or beef barley. By this time, most tables have asked for another breadbasket.

If one did not overeat standing up in the pre-function area, you might have room for these pre-dinner delicacies. Otherwise, the vast majority of these items get carried away only partially touched, if at all.

By then, it’s usually pushing 10:00pm as the staff wraps up the breakdown of the pre-function space while simultaneously setting up for the midnight snacks. To be sure, back in the day, weddings ran well past midnight. That is not so true today.

If you happen to have to use the bathroom before dinner comes out, on your way back to your table you might be able to grab a slice of pizza, maybe sliders, a shawarma sandwich, or pasta or nachos, and often much more.

Later, if you’re not satisfied with the wedding cake and ice cream that is served, you could return again to the pre-function space and usually find frozen yogurt, donuts, and trays of Middle Eastern dessert among other sweets.

Anecdotally, I would estimate that no less than 80% of the plated meals are tossed in the garbage less than half eaten. Filet, chicken, braised beef, potatoes, vegetables, bread—all of it goes in the Shenandoah dumpster.

It is nearly impossible to enjoy the plated meal service by the time it comes because you are either full, or it is past 10:00pm and much too late for most people to eat. Or, more recently I’ve seen many people just forgo the plated meal and head out to the comfort food in the foyer as their preferred dinner option.

Rarely am I around while they’re breaking down the midnight snack portion of the event, but I know it is safe to assume that much of that food is wasted as well.

We Chaldeans are known for one-upmanship, which necessarily leads to the notion that more is better; even if it’s costly, wasted, and largely unappreciated. Sometimes less is more but less would certainly be more than enough as even a mild sampling of all the offerings must approach the 5,000-calorie mark (don’t forget the alcohol).

In a brilliant attempt to further the value of the extraordinary cost (waste) of the flowers, a company sprouted up that breaks the centerpieces down and packages them in small bouquets for people to take home. Absolutely brilliant. Not only does this give these poor flowers some lasting power, it saves dramatically on dumpster space at Shenandoah.

While we’ve all heard criticism of the food at weddings in the past, I can say with confidence I’ve never heard anyone complain about going home hungry, even if they didn’t eat their plated meal.

My panacea would be a nice cocktail reception, maybe with passed champagne and small appetizers. A Zeffa, prayer, and toast. Dinner at 7:45—wow—that would be earth-shattering and record-breaking! Then more music. To the best of my knowledge, it is not written anywhere that you cannot officially eat dinner until after the Khigga.

And then, because you couldn’t stuff yourself at the reception, and you ate dinner at a reasonable hour, why not midnight snacks? Whether you needed it or not, who wouldn’t grab a slice of pizza on their way out the door?